# The SBHonline Community Daily > Restaurants Wine & Food Off The Island >  >  Lost in Restaurant Translation: 8 BIG Dos & Dont of Eating in France

## katva

*thepariskitchen*


*Lost in Restaurant Translation: 8 BIG Dos & Dont of Eating in France*June 19th, 2013 by Wendy LynPosted in FeaturesTags: Restaurant Etiquette in France


Congratulations!  Youve jumped through hoops, got _the_ Paris restaurant reservations everyone has been raving about and your expectations are high.
Sadly though, too many diners are leaving unnecessarily frustrated, wondering why in the hell they bothered to set the alarm at 3 am exactly one month before the reservation or had to stand in line for 2 hours, just to get a miserable over-hyped table.
Why? It goes something like this
You arrive early for your hard-earned table, but they refuse to seat you. When they do, the server leaves you with a menu and disappears. You dont read French and the server wont translate the menu, so they take it to another table and disappear again. Your water glasses are empty, no-one offers the wine list, there is no bread and butter on the table  and you are _starving_.
Finally, when you raise your silverware to eat, your elbows are touching the couple at the next table. When you apologize, they are relieved to be sitting next to someone speaking English and want to be your new BFF. Youre nodding politely hoping they get the hint when your plate arrives  only to realize youve ordered veal glands. Groan.
At the end of the meal, youre waiting 30 minutes for the servers to just take the plates and bring the check so you can get, out of, there. Then you learn they dont take American Express and you cant leave a tip on your credit card. Cash tips only, but you just spent your last 20 on the taxi.
Frustrating non? You might be surprised to know that everything I described (except for your rude neighbors) is right on target  if you are in a bistro. If you are in a restaurant, itd be completely unacceptable. So whats the difference?
Since there are many cultural misunderstandings that can make or break a great dining experience  I interviewed restaurant staff, clients & Facebook fans to create this list of EIGHT dining DOS and DONTS in hopes that it helps improve restaurant relations, makes you a GREAT customer and explain the situation above, one detail at a time.
Thank you to everyone who contributed. Additional suggestions? Lets hear em!

If you want an experience that matches your expectations, DO your research first so that you know what a restaurant offers. DONT just go by someone elses My favorite restaurant is or a best of Paris list. If someone recommends a particular restaurant, ask for specifics of why. DONT expect your concierge to be a mind reader, give them some guidance so they can make targeted suggestions. If you dont have an idea of what you want in a restaurant, they wont either.
For example, someone recently had dinner at Chez LAmi Jean because so many people recommended it. It ended up they hated it because the tables were so close together; the service was non-existent service and the portions gigantic. But this is exactly what Chez LAmi Jean is known for. They wanted a quiet intimate restaurant. I love Chef Stephane Jego, but his screaming out from the kitchen isnt exactly foreplay. Another couple from Brooklyn said, We dont want to eat where all the New Yorkers go, so we made reservations at Frenchie, Septime and Spring! Uh
DO understand the difference between a bistro & restaurant; they are completely different business models. A bistro may be casual, but it is not a relaxed dining experience. Bistros are busy, cramped, great for groups of convivial friends & only a few servers are taking care of an entire room such as Chez LAmi Jean. You will have to ask for everything you need outside the food courses, because they are too busy getting orders in & out of the kitchen to see that you need more water. If you need something, ASK. A restaurant however, has table and elbowroom with a dedicated server who should be anticipating your every need  much better suited to that couple above looking for intimate dining.
If you DONT want what a particular bistro or restaurant has to offer, DONT expect the place to change to suit your needs when you arrive   - no different than buying a car you researched, but then keep taking it back to the dealership to add a sunroof and leather seats after the fact.  If multiple reviews say a place is for carnivores, Im serious you are not going to be able to custom order a veggie plate. Go to a vegetarian place instead, if you can find one in France that is.

DO be on time but DONT arrive before the reservation & expect to be seated. They are eating their staff meal together just before opening. If you are early, take a walk and explore the neighborhood. If you are late, especially for the first seating, youre putting the kitchen and the next seating in an unfair time crunch.
If you are in a busy or tiny eatery, DO be proactive and go to the bathroom first before being seated. Odds are that your neighbors will most likely have to stop eating & hold down wine glasses just to move the tables apart so you can be seated. They will not be thrilled to do it again 30 seconds after you sit down and realize you need to go.

In France, there is a certain order & cadence to a meal that cannot be altered  this is biggest learning curve in general.
DO understand that the French DONT dine out just to have something to eat & leave quickly. So DO expect your meal to take time. DONT treat the meal as something to be hurried.
Know that the French DO slow down & enjoy each others company  their experience is about enjoying who is around their table just as much as the actual meal on their table.
DO know the rhythm of a meal and DONT ask them to rearrange it: entrée/starter, plat/main, cheese and/or dessert, coffee and the bill. A couple told me that they went to a restaurant and, We knew we were breaking the etiquette, but we were too tired to eat a full meal on our first night, so we ordered just appetizers and can you believe they told us to leave? Why yes, I can.
DONT be a menu hog & hold your server hostage by asking them to translate the entire menu. There isnt enough time to do this for each table and unfair to the other diners. You may be frustrated that they wont translate the menu, but they are servers working their buns off  not French teachers.
For example, when I first came to Paris, I was attempting to translate each and every word on a chalkboard menu to make a perfect decision. The owner came over and said, Madame, the other customers and the kitchen do not have time for your French lesson today!  At the time I thought he was a total jerk. Today, he and I are still laughing about it.
DO learn some key French food & wine vocabulary before you arrive, including what you know you DONT eat. Sitting at the table is not the time to learn you dont like veal glands. Just try sending back a full plate of food because you dont like what you didnt know you ordered.
DO learn more than boeuf/beef or poulet/chicken- because you wont see it written this way on a menu as there are several cuts of beef, several different varieties of poulet/chicken, etc. You dont need to learn every French menu item but make it easier on yourself and DO learn at least the French equivalents of your favorites.
Once you see the menu, DO start making decisions quickly so you can order all the courses at once when the server arrives, then you can relax and enjoy each others company throughout the meal. If you dont, it could be awhile before they have the time to come back to you. Think in advance of what you need during your meal, so when you have their attention you can tell them you need x, y and z.
DONT custom order the menu (Asking to share courses, split meals, appetizers in place of main courses, vegetables instead of fries, dressing on the side, etc.) If it is a set menu or prix fixe, the menu is what it is. Small kitchens are just not set up to custom order each customers choices. Incredibly, a couple asked to share the wine pairing menu at Restaurant Spring. That makes a half of a half of a glass per person. Seriously?
If you DONT see an item youre craving on the menu, dont ask for it. Theyve ordered food just for the menu by the day, not the week.
Allergic to something? If you are eating in a restaurant, DO tell them in advance when you make your reservation so they have time to prepare. If you are in a busy bistro, you should learn the French equivalent of your allergy  but DONT expect them to cook anything special off of the cuff just for you. The kitchen can only direct you to items free of your specific challenge.
DONT expect bread on the table as soon as you sit down & DONT expect bread plates. In France it is not a separate course to fill up on before dinner, and is usually served in a basket WITH the first course as an accompaniment throughout the meal (to wipe up a great sauce or act a sturdy vessel for cheese). You take the bread out of the basket and place is directly on the table next to your plate. If you are dining in a fancy restaurant, you will most definitely receive a separate plate for bread.
DONT expect butter with bread. More places are serving it, but it is not a given. I asked a chef friend once why butter is never served with bread during a meal and her answer was, Because it isnt breakfast! Voila welcome to France.
DO tell them how you want your meat cooked. If you are picky and have to have your meat cooked well done, you can ask for it  but if they balk, dont fight them, just choose something else. If it isnt cooked the way you ordered it, politely send it back. Bistrot Paul Bert has three choices for red meat: rare, medium and well done mal cuit (badly cooked!)
DO signal the server that you are finished eating by placing the silverware side by side & face-up. They will not take your plates until this signal tells them to.

If you DONT want to pay for bottled water, DO order a carafe of tap water  completely safe to drink. The good news is that a lot of places are now increasingly offering in-house filtered bottled water (both fizzy and flat).
DO know that French wine lists are organized by regions not by Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, etc. DO learn their equivalents:
Like Chardonnay? DO order Burgundy.
Like Sauvignon Blanc? Loire Valley.
Like Pinot Noir? Burgundy, Loire, Champagne or Alsace.
Cabernet? Bordeaux.
Big Blends?  Cotes du Rhone.
DONT reach over your neighbors to get the wine bottle to pour your own water or wine unless the bottles are already on your table to do so.
DO expect coffee served as Espresso without milk AFTER dessert. Decaf OK, but with milk? Now youre really pushing it.

DO know that a restaurant is the extension of the chef or the owners house. Ive seen people act like complete idiots in a restaurant and then go to someone elses house and act like angels. Show some respect people.
DO know that servers are a respected part of the restaurant family (some having worked there for years) and they will be vigorously protected as such by the chef and owner.
DONT get your servers attention by gesturing like a wild animal the minute you need something, they are prioritizing more than one table at a time. If they look busy, they are.
DO get their attention with a firm Monsieur or Madame making eye contact is not in the culture overall, so you could die waiting for them to see your impatient glare.
DONT hold them hostage from other customers by engaging in non-restaurant related conversation or questions. They have work to do and dont have time to answer personal questions about their lives or give insight into French culture.

DO understand that the French DONT treat a meal like a social happy hour with strangers at the next table. The minute they sit down, imaginary walls go up around their table to keep their meal private and you should do the same.
DONT try to make your neighbors your new BFF or a tourism information employee. Leave them alone to enjoy their meal.
Recently, I saw a couple lean over to another table to say, Were sorry to bother you, but did we overhear that you are from Chicago? If you start an introductory phrase with sorry to bother you..? You just did.
DO keep your voices down. To the women next to us who inadvertently told the entire restaurant they had to use shampoo to wash their private parts because the luggage got lost and the hotel didnt have soap, thank you.
DO leave the babies & kids at home for dinner no matter how well-behaved your kids are. For the French, eating dinner in a restaurant is for adult company, period.
DO take photos of YOUR food quickly, DONT take photos of others eating theirs and post it to Facebook.

DONT act like an ass when things dont go the way you think they should. If you DO act like an ass or a snob, you are giving absolute permission to be treated like one.

DO ask for the bill when you are ready for it, they wont interrupt your meal to bring it to you. Even if you are holding up the next seating, they will tell you are doing so, as a hint to then ask for the bill so that you can pay & leave.
DONT hand cash or credit cards directly to the server. Put your credit card or cash on top of the bill and wait for them to come to the table. Waving it at them like youre helping a Boeing 747 into Gate 32 Terminal C, wont get you out any quicker; theyll see it and get to you when theyve finished helping the tables ahead of you.
DO understand that American Express charges astronomical fees and the smaller restaurants cannot afford to accept it.
DONT expect to see a place on credit cards to leave tips unless you are in a very expensive restaurant. Tips are always cash. DO think ahead to make certain to have enough cash for a tip and taxi home.
DONT leave small coin change as a tip unless you are in a coffee shop. It is insulting.
Forget all the conflicting tipping information out there DO leave a 10% tip in cash on the table before leaving if you enjoyed the service.
If you DO or DONT have a great experience, say something to the server, chef, owner or manager. DONT go home and write a hurtful review  at least give them a chance to hear in person how you feel, good or bad.
DONT linger, try to leave the table & restaurant within a few minutes after having paid the bill.
DO thank the staff you see on the way out if you enjoyed it!

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## andynap

Or- go to Italy- :)

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## katva

:)  but it's pretty much the same etiquette, no?

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## andynap

No. Italy is more laid back. Most restaurants have English version menus and English speaking waiters unless you are in the boonies. Of course my Irish wife speaks a pretty understandable Italian and I can once I'm there for a while so I guess that helps.

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## MIke R

> :)  but it's pretty much the same etiquette, no?




no...no way

but FWIW Wendi told me that when she takes me to see "her France"....we will be dining in the French countryside where the "real French food can be found without all the pretention and bulls**t".....

I am looking forward to it...and not having to worry about all the rules and regulations and policies and procedures and just eating a great meal...LOL

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## andynap

Wendi speaks French so it doesn't matter anyway- right?

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## MIke R

correct, but she hated Paris, and loved the French countryside - for many reasons....the forementioned restaurant guidelines being one of them

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## katva

Mike--I agree.  I much prefer the countryside--- I may get shot down for saying this, but I've just never been a big fan of Paris.  We went often when we lived over there for my Dad's business...and I have been back many times, but mostly as the start point to get out of the city.....I found this article to be fairly pretentious.  I don't recall Italian menus being in English, and from what I recall, the service, etc., seemed similar to these description.  We mostly were in Rome, Venice, Milan, and Florence.  Of course, all the time we spent camping all over the place there, and eating in tiny local places, was totally different.

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## MIke R

*DO understand that the French DONT treat a meal like a social happy hour with strangers at the next table. The minute they sit down, imaginary walls go up around their table to keep their meal private and you should do the same.
DONT try to make your neighbors your new BFF or a tourism information employee. Leave them alone to enjoy their meal.
*

but I totally agree with that 1000%.....I am not looking to make friends when I am  dining out with my friends or family...I am looking  to spend quality time over a meal with my friends or family...and just my friends or family...so leave me alone please?

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## MIke R

> Mike--I agree.  I much prefer the countryside--- I may get shot down for saying this, but I've just never been a big fan of Paris.  We went often when we lived over there for my Dad's business...and I have been back many times, but mostly as the start point to get out of the city.....I found this article to be fairly pretentious.  I don't recall Italian menus being in English, and from what I recall, the service, etc., seemed similar to these description.  We mostly were in Rome, Venice, Milan, and Florence.  Of course, all the time we spent camping all over the place there, and eating in tiny local places, was totally different.



Wendi lived just outside of Toulouse and loved everyday she was there....but she had no use for Paris, other than New Years eve which she said was fun...but thats consistent with her as she dislikes NYC, but loves Vermont etc

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## JEK

I've been in Paris a number of times, most recently in 2010, and I find it much more relaxed than 20 years ago. Just don't ask for café until AFTER dessert  :cool:

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## katva

The last time I was in Paris was December of 95 or so---it's been a loooong time!  I will say that that particular visit was the nicest, and my opinion changed slightly---their was a huge transportation strike going on, and so the Metro was out of service, traffic was jammed,etc.....but amazingly, people had a c'est la vie attitude, and were extremely friendly!  I even had a French man ask me (!!!) for directions.....I had never been there when it was so friendly.

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## JEK

These folks will treat you right --- amazing oysters!

http://www.mariusetjanette.com/
image.jpg

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## MIke R

> and from what I recall, the service, etc., seemed similar to these description.  We mostly were in Rome, Venice, Milan, and Florence.  Of course, all the time we spent camping all over the place there, and eating in tiny local places, was totally different.



exactly...there was NO comparing the meals I had in Rome, Venice, Florence to those I had in rural Tuscany....Callabria..and Sicily...none....the latter places blew the urban places away...not even close....all were good..so it wasn't a case of good vs bad....but the Italian countryside took meals to another level completely....and the meals in my families houses in Sicily are meals of legend  for me

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## katva

> These folks will treat you right --- amazing oysters!
> 
> http://www.mariusetjanette.com/
> image.jpg



  I'm looking closely at this one:  http://www.darroze.com/

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## MIke R

Theresa got food poisoning from Oysters in Paris which pretty much ruined the  vacation.....

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## JEK

> Theresa got food poisoning from Oysters in Paris which pretty much ruined the  vacation.....



Fresher in Paris than ER. I ate them every night. Some people's karma is not so good.

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## amyb

Some of my most memorable and tasty oysters were eaten at Bofinger's in Paris.

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## JEK

> Theresa got food poisoning from Oysters in Paris which pretty much ruined the  vacation.....



Apologies to the Mother of Ava, I know she had a miserable experience.

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## JEK

> Some of my most memorable and tasty oysters were eaten at Bofinger's in Paris.



What a great bold, old brassiere!

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## andynap

I wasn't talking about the food- I was comparing the experience. We stayed in San Gimignano for 2 weeks and I thought the food there and surrounding towns was very good but I wouldn't say it was superior to Florence or Venice. A little different but not that much.

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## katva

Paris is where I discovered marrow, thank God :)

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## MIke R

> I wasn't talking about the food- I was comparing the experience. We stayed in San Gimignano for 2 weeks and I thought the food there and surrounding towns was very good but I wouldn't say it was superior to Florence or Venice. A little different but not that much.



as I said..for me  it wasn't a case of good versus bad...it was a case of good versus out of this world great....particularly the bread and cheeses....one of the best meals I ever had in Sicily was in a tiny run down waterfront joint...old men playing dominoes outside on the tables....father cooking..daughter waiting tables....Everyone went into town and I didn't feel like doing that so I went for a walk and found this place....and had a lunch I will never forget

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## MIke R

BTW Andy are you familiar with a place in Philly called The Standard Tap???..

I saw them do a  marinated and grilled octopus that looked to die for good on TV the other night

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## andynap

I saw that show. Standard Tap is near Theresa

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## MIke R

boy that octopus looked good...so did the chicken pie

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## JEK

> I wasn't talking about the food- I was comparing the experience. We stayed in San Gimignano for 2 weeks and I thought the food there and surrounding towns was very good but I wouldn't say it was superior to Florence or Venice. A little different but not that much.



What year was that Andy?

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## amyb

Yes Bofinger is classic. The place had me when I saw the seafood on iced pallets and the clams being shucked.

Poor Theresa though. Eating a  bad oyster is not fun

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## Jeanette

J'adore Paris from my soul - the glorious architecture, art, parks, book stores, music, food, banks of the Seine, endless walks to nowhere and yes, Paris's cultured residents. 

If you haven't been to Paris in two decades, perhaps you will return with enhanced experiences. I would assume the countryside has also changed signficantly for those who haven't visited in more than 20 years. Think about the changes to our fair isle in the last two decades and the shock of a return visit after 20 years.

Food poisoning can happen anywhere - even on St. Barth - and it is an awful experience when you are far from home.

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## katva

> J'adore Paris from my soul - the glorious architecture, art, parks, book stores, music, food, banks of the Seine, endless walks to nowhere and yes, Paris's cultured residents. 
> 
> If you haven't been to Paris in two decades, perhaps you will return with enhanced experiences. I would assume the countryside has also changed signficantly for those who haven't visited in more than 20 years. Think about the changes to our fair isle in the last two decades and the shock of a return visit after 20 years.
> 
> Food poisoning can happen anywhere - even on St. Barth - and it is an awful experience when you are far from home.



Looking forward to Enhanced Experiences soon!  Briefly in Paris, but the real fun will start out in the Country --- too many other places to see :)

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## Petri

French have food science, italians have food culture.

Paris started to relax noticeably around 2000, I used to go there for business too many times in the 90's and it was one of our regular long weekend destinations for quite a while.  Almost moved to work there..  In Italy, France and Spain you can expect to find excellent, or the best, restaurants outside of the big cities.  And food continues to be a social event, not only fuel for the body.

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## Jeanette

Paris is a great starting point and end point for a French holiday. France is small enough that you can cover many of her regions in a relaxed pace during a few week's stay. 

Are you taking a non-SBH vacation in the near future?

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## katva

> Paris is a great starting point and end point for a French holiday. France is small enough that you can cover many of her regions in a relaxed pace during a few week's stay. 
> 
> Are you taking a non-SBH vacation in the near future?




I know!  . France is the size of Texas , roughly.  Easy enough...and I've do e it twice before....we will start out in Bordeaux, and head west, south, then east, then north and west again .....:):)

So sorry about typos--- this iPad is making me crazy!!!  

http://marathondesvinsdeblaye.com/

lim running this marathon with my sister and a friend/colleague --- after recovering, the plan is to r, r and r and eat :)

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## katva

Training for a marathon at my level takes 10 months......therefor the early planning. It's a must.  I'm very e xcited!!!

but we will be in SBH for the last several weeks of November. I had a hard time deciding ....

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## katva

> French have food science, italians have food culture.
> 
> Paris started to relax noticeably around 2000, I used to go there for business too many times in the 90's and it was one of our regular long weekend destinations for quite a while.  Almost moved to work there..  In Italy, France and Spain you can expect to find excellent, or the best, restaurants outside of the big cities.  And food continues to be a social event, not only fuel for the body.



Yes--- we will be spending time mostly in the countryside of France and Spain. The food in this region is famous!

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